Red cabbage

So I am sitting here on my couch 3 feet away from the wife.  She is in what I refer to as blogland right now.  3 feet away and she doesn't hear a word I say.  This is why I always said I wanted to start a blog support group for lost husbands with free time a plenty.  That is not necessarily what this blog is about but if I can make just one man out there feel like he is not alone in this crazy world, then I feel I have helped at least a little.  This blog will probably be more like random jumbles of thoughts that I feel like writing down. At times I am sure you will probably think to yourselves WTF!!!  Should be fun for you all to try and understand the mind of a slightly unstable lunatic called BDC.


Hmm...red cabbage.  WTF?  See this is one of those.  I warned you.  Remember that please.  Um...oh yeah, red cabbage.  One of my favorite pass times  is making up bullshit stories with my kids.  Now I said with my kids.  I also love to torture them by telling them crazy things about life.  I hope to remember some of the things I've come up with to share in the future because I think they are quite hilarious.  The wife usually is not impressed by my brainstorms about the universe.  Sometimes I can even get them(the kids) to believe me.  What's really sad is more often than not I can get the teenager to believe me.  She should be the one telling me I'm stupid but whatever.

Oops....dragged that out didn't I?   Had to start a whole new paragraph.  Sorry.  Yes, red cabbage.  This is definitely not one of my better stories but I liked it and I shocked the hell out of the wife.  I'll tell you why at the end.  We went to the grocery store the other day.   Not going to name the store cause I don't want to incriminate anybody.  So the wife and I went to the store the other day, with only one of our kids.  Don't ask how that happened, sometimes you just get lucky.  The middle of the three sons and I are walking through produce when I spot the cabbage.  Right next to the cabbage is of course, the red cabbage.  Now I don't know jack shit about cabbage, but as always, one of the voices in my head says it's time to screw with my son. 

Um....sidebar here for a moment.  I don't really know all the tricks to writing yet so pretend this is like off to the side or something.  Humor me please.  I know you're all wondering about the voices in my head, so let's clarify that I do not suffer from schizophrenia.  I just hear a lot of things going on in my head at the same time.  You know like everything I did last week, mixed with everything going on right now, plus everything I need to do in the let's say next 25 years.  Lots of times it's just things I wished I had done, along with things I want to do someday. 

Okay, now you no I'm not a total loon.  Hopefully.  I say to my son of 10 years "Do you know how they get red cabbage?"  Son says "No Dad, how do they get red cabbage?"  I say "They take prisoners, who aren't going to get out of prison, like ever, and they bring them to the cabbage field.  They get them to hold one of their arms out over the green cabbage and they cut off their arm.  They squeeze all of the blood out and pour it on the cabbage.   The cabbage grows red from there on out and that's how they make red cabbage."  My son is not shocked at all.  Just looks at me like I'm an asshole.  I say to the wife "Isn't that true?"  She stares at me dumbfounded and says, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I, of course, almost believe my bs and try to get her to agree with me, but to no avail. 

Once again left hanging while trying to tell my son how the real world works.  Anylie, I keep trying to get the son to ask the produce guy if I'm right.  After a while I give up.  Then we turn a corner and out of the corner of my eye, I spy my savior.  Halfway down the isle is a very young stock boy.  Time for one last try.   As we reach the stock boy, I quickly and pleadingly tell my son again how red cabbage is made.  He pretty much tells me I am a crazy idiot.  In comes my knight in shining armor.  "Your dad is right, you should ask your teacher at school she'll tell you he's right."  Just so you know, I have never met this boy before.  I don't even have the slightest idea what his name was.  The son looks at him then at me not sure what to think.  VICTORY!!!! 

For a split second he believes me.  That was all I wanted.  A solitary second of complete bliss just to know I got in his head.  Then the wife tells him the truth, of course.  But who cares I won.  The wife was not impressed but I know she always will forgive my eccentricities.  Is that the right word?  Aw, who gives a shit?  So everytime you see red cabbage, think of BDC and his little victory. As dumb as it is, it made me laugh.  Till next time, thanx for reading ttyl.